The Drums are ruining my life

In the best way possible at least.
I started listening to them in 2011 during the summer. That was when I was moving between the phases you go through as a teenager. I had ditched all my skinny jeans and was only concerned about the beach and getting a tan and looking at stars while covered in sand. Of course I heard Let's Go Surfing first by them. And then I think I heard Best Friend. And then probably Forever and Ever Amen.
Side Note: Forever and Ever Amen has been my favorite song, both by the Drums and in general, for the past three years. No regrets. I don't get tired of it because I only listen to it when I need to feel like things will get better for me.

But despite listening a couple of their songs, I didn't really get into them until 2012. I had about 60% of their songs downloaded with at least some of the lyrics in my memory. Over the past couple of years, I've quickly just become more and more engrossed by them. I mean, their music is fantastic, and they're just fantastic people in general. Jonathan Pierce and Jacob Graham are the most down to earth men in the world. And they're so damn talented. Their knowledge of music is so incredibly vast. I've heard Jonny speak lovingly of Doo Wop classics and Jacob speak fondly of the pioneers of music with synths. You have these two guys with the love of a broad spectrum of music get together to make something they find beautiful and it's wonderful.

So being that I'm such a huge fan, I practically jumped out of my chair when that tweet was posted earlier this year. Yeah, that tweet.

I felt a plethora of feelings. And I had so many questions. Which were not answered. For a few months, at least.

Long story short, I'm excited because the album they're releasing in Autumn because they're my favorite band and they'll be relevant to me during an album release for the first time. I finally saw them live last Friday actually. They held a free mini concert in Manhattan, where I live. There were too many people and everyone was high or drunk or trying to get high or drunk. Everyone was too tall and reeked of cigarettes. I waited on the line for over an hour and had to run across the street to use the restroom in a delicatessen that was just a god awful scent of piss and broken dreams. But after all that, those twenty minutes of their performance were the best twenty minutes of live music I've ever seen. I'm obviously biased because of how much I love them, but I think they have a great stage presence. I love how in tune they are to what they're doing. I'm only 5'1" so I barely got to see Jacob or Jonathan, but the glimpses were worth it because I'm a disgusting fangirl.

Anyway, I bought a ticket for the show here in September (and I'm currently waiting for ticketmaster to send me a link to the ticket like what. If there's an issue with it I'll probably cry and I'm praying to God that my ticket is okay and is on its way.) But I'm sure it'll be the raddest night of my life. I bought the single already that has Rules of Your Life which is the perfect song, by the way. I saw the music video of Magic Mountain too. Just this morning. It's perfect.

I'm an avid fan of not only the Drums, but Jonathan and Jacob's other projects too. I was looking forward to Jonathan's solo album, but I'm not sure where that stands. There's also another song he performed for something I can't remember. He was wearing a pink suit and it sounded lovely. Oh I found it.

I've also listened to Jacob's other projects like Horse Shoes, and Cascading Slopes which are both honestly just grand.

Honestly watching these guys do their thing is so inspirational and uplifting. I'm going to declare my major as music hopefully by the end of my spring semester, and I can only hope I'm as successful as making an impact in the world of music and on people as Jacob Graham and Jonathan Pierce.

I'm pumped for the release of Encyclopedia in its entirety and I hope that one day I get to meet the band and if that happens hopefully I won't look like the most giant of the nerds and only mildly nerdy.

Last Night Was Cool

I keep thinking of san francisco by foxygen and getting really into it until i realize that i dont know all the words.

This is a post with incorrect grammar because i am on my phone.

I was in the fitting room at Burlington earlier dying as my mom tried things on and taking photos of myself because I'm incredibly vain. Let's try this again:

I keep thinking of San Francisco by Foxygen and getting really into it until I realize that I don't know all the words. I really only paid attention to a couple of Foxygen's songs until recently. Make it Known was fantastic and I vaguely recall Take the Kids off Broadway. I listen to the San Francisco everyday now and have little regrets.

I downloaded some songs last night because I felt entirely nostalgic. I wish I grew up in the 90s really. Or I should say I wish the music and fashion of the 90s were thriving today instead of then. Really I'd like to live in any decade when music was fantastic and I would have been able to live semi comfortably in a city despite the color of my skin. Damn those pesky racists. But I hate the idea that because you're a certain age you're unable to gain nostalgia from a certain period's music. I grew up with my mom blasting R&B from the 80s and 90s when 1) I wasn't born and 2) I wasn't old enough to really capture the essence of the music. I'm not even sure how these music choices came to be for me last night. I started off watching the music video to some song I used to love and then ended up on The Verve and Blur and Pulp and New Order and Joy Division.

God I feel like such an asshole for this Joy Division thing. When I was 16 and decided I want to be some weird hipster nerd kid with picky taste in music, I searched online for these bands that nobody my age would know about because I just had to be "different." Somewhere along the line I found out about Joy Division and everyone was into them and I tried listening to them and couldn't get into it at all. Ian Curtis' voice made me uncomfortable with its deep tone and raspiness. I ignored them for a bit but after someone I admired mentioned them I would give them another try. Somehow later along the lines when I stopped being an idiot, I got really into the Smiths for a bit. And someone said, "Hey if you like the Smiths check out Joy Division." I groaned internally and tried again to no avail. Still wasn't into them. Fast forward to now when I still try too hard while having people under the impression that I, in fact, do not, I tried listening to them again. I was so deeply into their songs and it made me feel weird. How many times did I have to listen to them before I decided I could really listen to them. Their music makes me feel like I should be apologizing for hurting people and looking at stars on a rooftop or getting drunk in someone's backyard. I don't know. I'm glad I gave them another chance, and all those others a first real chance I suppose.

Gabriella

Radios > Anything

I wish I were good enough at any instrument to be in a band. But I'm not and I doubt I ever will be. When I was in sixth grade, I had the dream of playing my clarinet in Jazz-Rock fusion band. This didn't happen and I'm not sure if I'm glad it didn't. How great does Jazz-Rock sound? Does this exist already? I need answers.

Music has always been a huge part of my life, from when I was young, up until now. I listened to Radio Disney as a kid, and my mom used to play this R&B station called 98.7 Kiss FM which just went off the air a couple years ago. I remember every Christmas my mom would play Elvis Presley's Blue Christmas on our huge stereo system via a cassette. When all my friends were listening to strictly CDs, my mom was still stuck on cassettes and I'm glad I had the opportunity to see how they worked for some time in my life as they're obsolete by now. I have really fond memories of the song Do You Hear What I Hear. It was my favorite Christmas song. Now I'm having awful flashbacks to Dominique the Donkey, and The First Noel.

Gosh. When I was growing up, there was no holding back any genre in our house. When I approached my first teenage year at 13, I was in middle school and used to listen to the greatest rock station in NYC. I would stay up all night sometimes just to hear songs I never heard of. Classics like Summer of '69, Boys of Summer, It's My Life, Hotel California, Piano Man, gosh all that good stuff. They played music from across the decades so I became a huge fan of certain songs like Popular by Nada Surf, Sex and Candy by Marcy Playground, Oscar Wilde by Company of Thieves, and Closing Time by Semisonic. I became so engrossed in the music I was listening to, and I felt on top of the world whenever I lied down in my bedroom, staring out at the stars while listening to Bittersweet Symphony.

Sometime when I was in 8th grade, that awful green radio-phone abomination turned off and never turned on again. I felt a part of me had gone missing, kind of like when the stereo system we had went kaput. By that time, everyone was listening to music online, and downloading songs onto their MP3 Players. Despite not wanting to, I gave in to the hype. Listening to music online is not nearly as great as listening to it on the radio. Music through the airwaves has a different sound. It feels more like home. It's a simpler platform than what we use more today, but I feel that if I heard all my current favorite bands on the radio, I would become entirely nostalgic. Having to fiddle around with the position of your radio when the sound becomes fuzzy and hearing the hum in between songs are the greatest feelings.

I miss my radio.

I think I'll buy another radio.

Feeling Like a Nap

The problems I'm facing right now seem so important and a year from now they'll seem irrelevant. I wish I could say this gives me some ounce of happiness to know that a year from now it won't even matter, but I won't have a happy life later if it weren't for the sadness I have now. I don't really have anyone I can speak to right now, and I isolate people who may care at one point or another. 

Sometimes I wonder what life would be like if I were born someone else. Or somewhere else. I feel disconnected from everyone here sometimes. Most times, actually. I don't want to have that special snowflake syndrome, but I don't feel I have a deep connection with anyone whose interests are similar to mine. Sometimes I try spending time with people I used to really enjoy spending time with, and find that it's not the same. When you grow, you go down different paths most times. My experiences don't mirror those of someone else I've met. I don't feel comfortable talking about the things I'm going through, because I don't have anyone who can empathize. I don't want sympathy, and I don't want pity. I want a mutual understanding of a similar struggle. I want someone to talk to who will make me feel whole again. I have this emptiness that comes and goes, and no matter how religious I may be, I still feel sadness consuming me. It's not fun and I wish it would stop.

I wish I could stop thinking for a few seconds and understand how it is to be blissfully unaware of how shitty everything in life is. I sound so angsty and I can imagine some 47 year-old reading this in anger because I think my life is hard when they have three kids and one of them is starting college and wondering how many bills I have to pay or how many times I've gotten yelled at while at work. I can imagine. But people always tell me not to compare my strife to that of others. So when someone tells me all of the things going on with 
them, I won't feel like mine matter less. My problems are as real to me as their problems are to them.

I find myself playing my uke less and less. Maybe because I know I'm just going to give up on that like I do everything else. Or maybe because it sounds so happy when I'm most often not in that mental state.

Gabriella

New York City is Lonely

People tend to get the idea that you can't possibly be lonely in a city like this. People think that because you might be a Native New Yorker that you're outgoing and have friends everywhere and go to bars and sit on rooftops watching stars and meet beautiful strangers on trains. I don't doubt that for some people it's like that, but for most of the people I've met, this isn't the case at all.

Hunter College Skybridge; click for source

I've noticed that New Yorkers have somewhat of a hard time communicating with each other, and when someone takes the opportunity to speak to you, we think of it more as a threat. "Why is this stranger smiling at me?" "This guy is trying to talk to me I better look down and speed up." Stranger danger and all that. I go to Hunter College and people tend to not really speak to each other there either. We all sit there, looking sullen and bored, and what I've found out by talking to people is that everyone wants to talk, but we're all just waiting for someone else to initiate conversation. I don't think school or childhood general prepares you for socializing beyond those stages. When you're younger, anyone will talk about anything and pretend they're experts on subjects.

Get ready to go to school and become emotionally crippled by loneliness
Click for source

But as you get older, you become quieter. You overthink more and feel the pressure of judging eyes. You might be afraid of being ignored or your thoughts ruled out. I spoke a lot in my English class this past semester and it made me feel more confident. People were interested in my thoughts, and because I spend so much time thinking about certain things, I tend to have more to say on these subjects. It put me out of my comfort zone in the best way possible. My friend introduced me to some of her friends and I had a very easy time talking to them in comparison to how I would have felt just six months prior.

For all I know a stranger could have fallen in love with me on a train and I wouldn't know because when they try to approach me I snub them. What a crazy thought. Reminds me of someone on tumblr saying to feel good about yourself because as you're outside minding your own business, people you don't notice are intrigued by you and want to know you and momentarily fall in love with you, etc. I think how often I do the same to others, how I want to know their story and favorite color and dislikes. I think about how often I see someone who makes my heart speed up for that moment. It wouldn't be entirely insane to assume that others do the same to me. That's cool.

Gabriella

12:58 a.m.

I feel very alone. I'm not alone, but that's how I feel. It's nobody's fault but my own. I have a very hard time communicating which puts a hefty strain on my personal relationships. I get to see my therapist on Tuesday for the first time in what seems to be over two weeks. I'm excited for that and feel as though I have a lot to talk about.

I miss college and miss talking to people about their ideas. There was a man in my English class who was very thoughtful and I enjoyed hearing him talk about just his beliefs and opinions. He was a very technical person, and I like these people. People who speak carefully and think about their words; people who think with their heads and not their hearts. I'm a very emotional person and my feelings tend to rule my life over the logic I know I possess. I want to be around people like that again. My friends are not like that. Which isn't bad; they're like me and sometimes you need a short break from who you are.

I was thinking of taking another English class with a large discussion portion but the extra money is a bit worrisome for me. But I enjoy college and I enjoy learning so maybe I'll do it. Maybe it'll pay off in wondrous ways. But I think that the more I write, the more the person I try to be comes out. Being that speaking is so difficult for me, I express many things in words. When speaking I ditch the flowery language and beautiful metaphors. When writing I feel completely different, as though my words can have an impact on people. I don't feel I have an impact on people. And if I do, it's not a very good one, I think. I have no reason to write now, however. There is no purpose for me to do so, and in a way I feel empty; as if a part of me is missing. It's one of those things hitting me lately and makes me feel pressured to decide what I may want in life. For now I want peace mostly, and a sense of belonging. But I want other things. I want companionship, I want to make beautiful things, I want to work with people, and I want to help people. I like making others happy. I like seeing people smile. I can understand that I don't look the friendliest. I have a nose piercing and a septum ring. My hair is slightly burgundy and a bit unruly with its curls at times. But I know I'm a good person. It's very hard convincing others that you are, however.

I don't know if this post has spelling errors, as I am on my phone. I'll check in the morning. I think I'll exercise when I wake up at 9:30 and then take a shower and relax for an hour with some green tea and blogging on tumblr.

I hope in the morning I will feel even better than how I did when I woke up on Sunday. I hope and pray for the best.

Gabriella

Happier Days

Might be on the way, I should add. I had a very good day. I exercised, I drank a lot of water, I told myself I was beautiful and a great person. I've had a slight smile on my face all day. I feel very at peace. More so than usual. And I think I've been speaking to God a lot today. Saying thank you and all. Which is nice.

I think a lot of good things are happening and will happen. I'm very relaxed right now and I got rid of a ton of clothing earlier. Clothing I don't want to go back to because of memories which need to be left in the past. This feels very sullen. This feels like a very sullen post. But I bought some green tea my three favorite veggies in frozen form today so that's fun. I think I'm going to start Inherit the Wind tonight and see how that goes. I wish I could ask someone to read it with me but I don't know anyone who I think would be into it, and I wouldn't know where to begin to ask.

In other news, I found Jacob Graham's blog which is very cool. I'm looking forward to reading his posts and such. So yeah.

I'm tired. Very, very tired.

Gabriella

Books, books, books!

Side anecdote: When I was younger, I had a lot of questions about what God looked like. I had seen many depictions of Jesus, but never God. Obviously I had an issue with God looking completely white and had a hard time understanding why the messiah wasn't a little more brown, but that's besides the point. But because of constantly trying to figure out what God looked like, I tried to come up with my own image of him based on my image. After all, God created us in his image, right? But with my background, I realized I had many different Ethnicities and Races which came together since the beginning of mankind to bring me about today. And I also realized that I didn't want anyone to be leaved out of God's image. So little me decided that God has a more mosaic thing going on. His face must have 7 billion different shades in it, to portray the 7 billion people he brought to life during my lifetime, but also the shades of all the people who have lived throughout time. I remembered this vividly a few minutes ago after seeing a post on tumblr.

However, books, books, books! I haven't read in a very long time. An exceedingly long time. I used to read religiously and then it seemed one day I put a book down and didn't pick one up. Mind you I had a lot of things going on mentally and psychologically, and some medicines I were taking and my illness itself did not allow me to concentrate for long periods of time (hence my failing many classes in high school.) But because I was out of the habit of reading, when I did have to read, I found it tedious and boring to say the least. In 2012, I began to be homeschooled, and my teachers decided I had to read. Awful. We started out slowly when I explained my mentality about books, which was fantastic. We read some Langston Hughes, some short stories, The Crucible, Inherit the Wind, etc. But basically this led to me getting incredibly into reading once more, so I must have read about ten different books my senior year in high school for class and for leisure. Of course I had a setback sometime down the road, so once more, books have become foreign to me. However, I've found a few books and I'll make it my point to attempt to read them again.

Here's my list:

1. Just As I Am - E. Lynn Harris

I read this during a very confusing time in my life and it was very helpful. This book with the theme of all things sexuality and romance helped me come to grips with being Bisexual and not being afraid of attractions to certain people. I identified strongly with one of the main characters, a Black woman whose heart was previously broken by a Black man who turned out to have an extremely strong attraction to men. I can't quite remember if he identified as gay, but it greatly showed how someone can hurt you without any prior intentions. (Also she was dating a Jewish man who turned out to be a closeted racist I was so upset I was rooting for you this was supposed to work out for all the Black girls attracted to men outside of their race and you betrayed me.) Anyway, I want to get caught up in the characters again so this should be fun.

2. Like Water for Chocolate - Laura Esquirel 

I read this so long ago and it was a huge blur and all I can remember was how angry it made me and how beautiful the characters were. If I remember correctly (and from skimming the blurb), the narrator is telling the story of their great aunt who had a gift for cooking. A supernatural gift of sorts. She touched people with her food in ways impossible because she was born in a kitchen surrounded by the best food of her home in Mexico. She's born the youngest daughter to a very mean woman who stops her from being with the man she loves, and instead has her older sister marry the man. By Mexican tradition as the youngest daughter, she would have to be the one to take care of her aging mother, and of course when your mom has your sister married off to your boo, there's going to be a bit of tension. This book explores her life journey with a recipe for a beautiful and delicious traditional Mexican dish before each chapter.

3. The Great Gatsby - F. Scott Fitzgerald

Since this whole Gatsby hype has calmed down, i think it's finally safe to re-read this. Why am I doing that? I think changed perspective. You can grow a lot in two years, and I wanted to just see how my perception of the characters may have changed. Here's to hoping I don't imagine Leonardo DiCaprio's beautiful face when I think of Jay Gatsby.

Side note: I really want to look more closely at Daisy's character because apparently I missed a ton about her the first time around.

4. A Streetcar Named Desire - Tennessee Williams

It definitely just took me three tries to spell Tennessee because I was too proud to look at the cover. I barely remember much about this book, but I remember it being scandalous and I love scandalous plays. The characters are awful people, the dialogue is witty, and I remember enjoying it the first time around. So let's give it another go.

(Things are coming back to me now and wow this play is certainly something I might put this to the top of my list.)

5. Inherit the Wind - Jerome Lawrence and Robert E. Lee

"He that troubleth his own house

Shall inherit the wind."

Proverbs 11:29

Man oh man. I remember learning about the Scopes Monkey Trial in high school so I was incredibly glad to read this. Coming from a background with people who weren't incredibly accepting of certain ideals, this play was basically a slap in the face. It kept me on the edge of my seat and I couldn't wait to continue reading the next night. It showed opposing forces, good and evil, religion and the lack thereof, justice and injustice, but not exactly respectively. I enjoyed this play's ability to make me think, and to help me understand that not everyone's ideas of what is right and what is wrong are the same. There are even people on the borderline of two sides of an argument, and it's up to a single person to do what they believe in.

Gosh why are the plays always the best and most exciting to read.

Well this has been way too long. I'm excited to start reading. Maybe I'll take an hour to start soon.

Gabriella

A New Leaf

I'm having a very hard time right now. It's already 3:30 and I haven't slept yet. I have some more things to talk about but I think I need to make some changes in my life. I'm only 19 and feel everything is constantly changing but things change consistently forever. It's very exhausting being afraid of change.

I'll save this as a draft and see if tomorrow when I wake up at nine I still feel the need to stop being worthless and make myself happy for once. I think I'll start by getting rid of old clothing that reminds me of worse times. I don't need those anymore, I think.

It's 9:15 a.m. and I still feel good about the things I was thinking about last night. Life is so weird and I think I need to look towards spirituality for guidance. This is relatively new for me, as I identified as an Atheist since I was 14. However I look forward to God helping me with my latest endeavours and hopefully a month from now I'll have seen significant progress with who I have become and have a clearer path of what I should be presently doing.

Gabriella

Old English Class Post

I definitely decided to look at my class' blog from last semester. It was an English class with the theme of Ecocentrism. We got into some pretty deep topics. I think I was way more into the class than anyone else, but here's a post from when we watched a Darwin documentary:

The Darwin documentary we watched in the last class was actually much more interesting than I thought it would be, and I'm actually sure I've seen either the whole film or many snippets of it previously. I thought it did a very good job of representing both sides of the argument but I couldn't help but to notice how the Evolutionists spoke VS. the Creationists. The former were stating mostly facts and not so much personal ideologies, where as the latter were doing mostly the opposite, and I think this says something about who believes in certain things. More "logical" people who think in facts are usually the people I've encountered who believe in Evolution, whereas people who think with their emotions are usually those who believe in Creationism. There's really no real answer as to which of these is fact because humans only know so much. For all we know both of these things could be fact, which I would really enjoy to be true. There seems to be an idea that religion and science cannot work hand in hand--it's either one or the other and you have to choose. My older brother always said he believed in God, yet he is the most technical person I know. He'll pull apart a computer and put it back together and list facts about random things nobody really cares about, but he has a sense of spirituality. I honestly feel that's the best way a person can be. There's nothing wrong with taking either side of the argument, but I do strongly believe that humans should remain open to the possibilities. There's a very funny sketch by Louis C.K. in which he says that people who are absolutely sure that there is not a God should basically think that over; he jokes that an Atheist tells him they do not believe in God because they have never seen him, he asks them if they're sure and if they, "checked downstairs."

The Louis CK SNL Opening Monologue

I think faith is an important part of the human experience and that everyone, whether they want to admit it or not, believes in something or really wants to. There's nothing wrong with being a scientist who believes in God or a Christian who really enjoys learning about dinosaurs. An open mind is the best thing for everyone, and as long as we are not physically or mentally harming others in our pursuit of the truth or the meaning of this all, we should be allowed to believe in anything we please. I for one am not sure if there is a God; I'm not sure if Evolution is the reality of how mankind came to be or Creationism is, but in the short span of time I have in the indefinite length of time the universe has and will ever exist, I can only attempt to understand. I want to believe that God created science for man to understand more about who we are, and I want to believe that one day there won't be an "Evolution VS Creationism" debate, but rather an understanding among humankind that neither of these things are important enough to separate us and help us grow and advance in every possible way.

Personal growth is very weird, as at this point I've decided that God is real and that I want to be a Christian in some sense of the word. Huh.


Gabriella

Music History Obsession

I took music history this past semester in college along with music theory just for the benefit of being able to learn an instrument next semester. It didn't exactly pan out that way because I decided suddenly that I wanted to be a music major, so I think I was brainwashed by the professors of these two classes. Anywho, in my music history class we of course listened to a great amount of classical music of different eras, focusing on the composers who revolutionized the music industry during their respective lifetimes (even some beyond *coughBeethovencough*.)

At a certain point, we moved onto Franz Schubert. Music History was a blur and I'm not entirely sure if he was part of the Classical Era or the Romantic Era, or on the brink of both. I feel like one of those people who only acknowledges a band's most popular songs, but I had an absolute obsession with Schubert's Der Erlkönig, originally a German poem by Johann Wolfgang von Goethe. Schubert composed music to go along with this poem and it's probably one of his most noted works in the modern world. He used fantastic word painting for this piece which is meant for a solo voice. What I loved so much about this is that with knowing the story and the characters within it, I can still follow along with who is speaking just by the tone being used despite not being able to speak German. Here's a link for the translation from the original German text to the adapted English. But it's definitely one of my all time favorite compositions and I'm just mad that I've yet to download the song.

Also more information on Franz Schubert via PBS

Gabriella

Soft Ghetto

There's been a new wave of Aesthetics this past year on tumblr. People have ditched their random blogs to focus on a particular aesthetic, and I'm still not entirely show how it happened or where along the lines I became one of these people. I used to blog disposable photos, as it made me feel nostalgic and gave me peace of mind for a long time. But one day I got bored, and started to change. Instead of grain, I chose clarity, and instead of the average joe showing his bare belly in a horizontal photo, I chose the model with great cheekbones on a white background.

Disposable Days

What have I become

I don't think my changing has been too bad. Besides the onslaught of many more guys in many more "erotic" poses, I've maintained the same amount of joy from blogging and have gained an even bigger following. Some of the things I've become accustomed to posting are more colorful, and resemble one of the counter cultures of today's youth. A revival of 90s and 00s fashion. People have ditched their regular skinny jeans for acid washed ones, their hoodies for denim jackets, and you'll find a lot of girls with jellies once more in their closets. Moreover, girls are wearing long nails in neon colors, adding extensions to their hair, and getting cornrows as if they've become R. Kelly. The aspect of this that bothers me is that people are reclaiming the fashion worn by mostly black celebrities in during these time periods (this is where the ghetto aspect comes from.) What was once called tacky and unfashionable is now just another way for the kid in the suburbs to stand out among their friends. I wouldn't have minded so much had it not been for the high numbers of people I saw claiming originality for this fashion trend. It isn't original. That's why it's a revival.

An example of soft ghetto fashion

I think the idea of it is great, but I just wish people would give credit where credit is due. Don't claim this style as your own and don't pretend this has not been done before. History repeats itself. Fashion repeats itself. I feel like one of those awful "originality is dead" people. But I don't believe orinality is dead! You can be original, but just understand that the things you create will have been inspired by something else, whether that thing was fantastic or awful.

Honestly with my cut out knee jeans and palm tree sweatshirt today, I don't think I was fooling anyone into thinking I'm original.

Gabriella

Bronx Dew

I used to live in the Bronx. Actually I was raised there. Growing up wasn't so bad in that borough. We had neighbors and I had friends, but the older I got the more I became inclined to hate it. Everyone was very close minded to many things and when you're on the brink of your teenage years trying to figure out who you might want to be as a high schooler, it isn't the most welcoming environment. But I got through it. With a lot of weird looks and whispers behind my back, but it was okay.

I lived across the highway from these Co-ops

I would never move back though. By junior year in high school, I was tired of it. I'm in Manhattan now and I don't feel sorry for leaving the Bronx. I feel like I belong here in some sense of the word. I don't have a home but I have a place where I belong. I will admit one thing I miss about the Bronx: when I would go to school in the morning. Not the act of going to school, nor the awful winter months; but when it was fall or spring, I adored walking down the street and smelling the air. Bronx air is just as awful as Manhattan air, but it's still greatly different in the morning.

In the morning, Manhattan still smells like concrete and a faint scent of water near the East River. Where I lived in the Bronx, there were always a ton of trees, and trees meant dew. The scent of dew in the morning is the greatest. You could feel it in your lungs and you could taste its slight sweetness. I don't think I'll ever miss the Bronx, but I will miss the way it made me feel at particular times in my life. Whenever that crisp morning air reached my lungs, I felt the day would go great.

I was usually right, I guess.

Gabriella

I'm Awful

Am I allowed to complain about how hard it is to find the Helvetica font anywhere? Is this because of American Apparel? Is American Apparel attempting to ruin my life?

That's besides the point. I'm awful because I keep doing this thing where I start blogging and then get caught up in the sadness of being a poor 19 year old who's confused with life and then stop posting and delete the blog. I've had about three blogs on this platform so far, and they're all gone. One must have had 50 posts max, but the others barely made it to ten and I'm utterly disappointed in myself because of my inability to keep to one project for more than two months.

I think the real problem here is that I make my posts too long. Way too long. And they were mostly angsty rants about everyone being out to get me. I should stop playing the victim and maybe things will fall into place much better. I'm not entirely sure what I want this blog to be about. It could be about music, or it could be about my narrow minded fashion taste, or it could be about how awful it is to live in El Barrio with no friends. Either way I'm excited. This should be fun.

I have a tumblr blog, where I really just post photos of objectified pale boys with probably a very bleak outlook on life. It's successful if you'd call a follower count of 8,800 over a period of three years with many months of inactivity at certain points. That's the one thing I can keep up with.

I've also been playing the Ukulele the past four months or so. I can't exactly do some great shredding on it, but I can definitely play you a simplified rendition of Kings of Leon's Use Somebody. That fingerpicking strum is the greatest I've ever heard, though, and I'm 99% sure it's the same strumming pattern for Coldplay's Clocks (you know that song that makes you feel horribly nostalgic for seemingly no reason.)

Maybe music would be a better idea for me to talk about seeing as how I'm attempting to declare myself as a music major. Here's to hoping I get approved to take the next level of music courses by the department in August!

Gabriella